No one else is going to do anything in the kitchen except for me: cooking, cleaning, maintenance, etc.
I have tried to assign “dinner days” to my husband, but he just ignores them or “forgets”, but then magically remembers fast food on the way home and trusts me to feed him and the rest of the family. My mother-in-law is old-fashioned and doesn't think her son should do kitchen work, but she doesn't want to help either (like “I can't remember how to turn on the oven”).
They are caring and loving relatives and I love them very much. The message I am getting is that under no circumstances will they take the kitchen work off my hands. So I have stopped doing any kitchen work. I feel like a cranky kid and don't know how to get out of it now that the strike has started. Please help!!
During the strike: Good luck, man. It's completely unacceptable for two adults in a household to dump all this work on a third. I have no qualms about you quitting.
Ah, but who will feed your pre-teens? How will you teach them collaboration, respect, and when and where to draw the line? What else is going on in the wider world of household chores? Are your mother-in-law and husband taking on other household chores as well?
Without these details, I would suggest a “come back” plan: “Dinner Days,” but enforceable.
· Two nights are allocated per adult and one night for preteens.
· Dinner can be cooked, reheated, a sandwich or (for adults) eaten out.
· In order to participate in other people's dinners, I have to take responsibility for my own dinner. That means I can't participate in the family dinner another night unless I somehow prepare two dinners for myself.
· If someone refuses, they are taken out of the rotation and each person in the rotation increases their night count.
The point is, those who don't participate get nothing, and we like that. They're on their own. You no longer have to cover for those who don't cooperate. If your husband or squatter refuses, you and your preteen have your own dinner system and those who don't participate fend for themselves.
Not a trivial thing, but I would have been furious years ago if someone came over for the weekend and didn't leave without asking beforehand, so: 1. You may be a saint, or 2. You may need some hard therapeutic work to learn to say “no” to these “thoughtful” people more quickly.
· Teaching your preteen to cook their own meals will ensure they are fed guilt-free and learn self-sufficiency. If your preteen can't cook or even make a peanut butter sandwich, they're not ready for life.
Years ago I went on strike. It wasn't helping me much, so I changed my mindset. Eggs and toast for dinner was perfectly fine. Nothing complicated. Cereal. I would stock up on basic ingredients and let the rest take its course.
Hold on, did you say that my husband “forgets” regular dinner time and magically buys fast food just for himself? I'm sure he learned a ton of tips from his mom who “can't” use a stove. My passive-aggressiveness meter isn't that high.
