At first glance, Ed Frauenheim and Shakira Randolph are very different people: a white man from a privileged family in New York state, and a black woman who grew up poor in the inner cities of Detroit. He's a Princeton graduate and multiple author; she's a training and development specialist who worked her way up the ranks from waitressing to a speaking career.
But when they performed simultaneously at the SHRM Annual Conference & Expo 2024 (SHRM24) on June 24, the self-described “diverse duo” wore matching blue chef coats and color-coordinated high-top Nike Dunks in a nod to their shared love of the FX on Hulu show “The Bear,” which is set in Chicago, not far from the SHRM24 venue.
And as they shared stories of their unlikely friendship, the shared values that bound them together became more apparent.
“Our journey has been an incredible adventure of discovery and connection,” said Randolph, founder and CEO of Shakiera Starr and Associates.
She met Frauenheim (the two often call each other “Chef,” a reference to “bear”) about a year ago while out to lunch with a mentor, and she was initially wary, eager to cherish the precious time she had with her trusted advisor.
But Randolph soon realized that despite their superficial differences, she and Frauenheim had a lot in common, including a love of R&B and Sade in particular, which was reflected in their presentation, but also the fact that they had both overcome despair to get to this point in their respective careers.
“The men should have dominated and won but I always came up short and ran out of steam in key moments,” Frauenheim said.
For many years, he says, he felt inadequate as a man. He suffered a heart attack, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. As he recovered, he learned to unravel the toxic elements of a “male-dominated rat race.” (He's now co-founder of the consulting firm Teal Team.)
Randolph has a troubled past: Her father served years in prison, several family members died at a young age, and as a Black woman, she experienced racist abuse, harassment and marginalization at work.
“Inequality is the norm, and so are feelings of alienation and marginalization,” Randolph said.
Frauenheim agrees: “In a competitive society as we know it, most people lose and fail, which often weakens rather than nourishes the soul,” he said.
The two began corresponding, then meeting in person and becoming more involved in each other's lives. In Frauenheim's kitchen, they cooked a stew together of beef, potatoes, carrots and parsnips, flavored with miso paste. They also figuratively cooked a “stew of hearty generosity.” The six ingredients of this dish are perseverance, adventure, vulnerability, humility, compassion and playfulness.
“It was deeply moving for us to come together and create this rich dish,” Frauenheim says, “and consume these ingredients that built a strong foundation for connection across differences.”
“We are all craving more than the thin porridge that our society and institutions tend to serve us today,” Randolph added. “A truly inclusive business is like a stew, where all the great flavors, all of our humanity, come together to make a flavorful dish. Even as we feast, diversity requires inclusion.”
Participants in the session were asked to reflect on the role the six elements play in their own professional lives: Angela Jackson, a senior human resources consultant at the U.S. Office of the Comptroller of the Currency in Washington, D.C., said she wants to develop perseverance, which she said she can achieve through the strength of compassion she already possesses.
“We come to work and we think only about work, but it's just as important to think about the people we work with and how we can better empathize with them and serve them,” Jackson says. “It's important to understand other people better, hone in on their strengths, and understand where they're coming from.”
Frauenheim and Randolph agreed that true wealth comes from the relationships we build with others, regardless of financial situation. They encouraged session attendees to meet new people different from themselves, even while attending SHRM24, to discover the commonalities we all share and to be more inclusive in the world.
As they chopped vegetables together in the kitchen and shared personal and professional experiences, Randolph said, “we built a social world together, we built bridges.”
