Hell's Kitchen, and New York City in general, is full of unique characters, and last month the neighborhood lost one of its undeniably unique West Side residents when Worldwide Plaza resident and “World's Oldest Cougar,” Hattie Wiener, passed away at the age of 88. June 21st.
Born Hattie in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, on May 25, 1936, and named after her father, who was president of the milliners' union, Hattie Weiner began a life unbecomingly conventional for her later years, marrying at 22 (she once quipped, “If I wanted sex, I got married”).
Hattie gave birth to a child, worked as a dancer, and opened a private practice in her 50s “using dance to help women deal with age-related sexual issues” (Mission Magazine). It was then that the atmosphere of her 25-year marriage changed, Hattie said in a 2023 interview with Style You titled “Is Sexual Freedom Lonely?” “After I became a therapist, the dynamic between me as a wife and a mother changed… and he was tired of me putting myself out there as something special, something special,” Hattie said. “One night, he suddenly said, 'I'm divorcing your mother.' So I left!”
Divorced at 55, Hattie frequently placed personal ads in the newspapers, quickly hitting the ground running as she shed what she called “a virgin until 22 and a virgin from 55.” “There was no internet then,” she added, “so the paper would say: 'Looking for hottest man under 35' – and I was 55!”
She began dating younger men and shared her newfound knowledge about dating and aging through her work as a certified sexologist, life coach and author, and even published a book. Sex and Single Elderly People and RetroAge: 4 steps to looking younger!Her job led to a side career as a model, posing for Vogue and Vanity Fair and speaking at all sorts of shows. Dr. Phil, The Howard Stern Showand Access Hollywood “Hattie ended up appearing on the TLC reality show,” she told CBS News. Extreme Cougar Wifewhere she proudly shared her life as a confident cougar living in Hell's Kitchen. “A lot of people use the word cougar to describe older women who sleep with younger men, but that's not actually a cougar,” Hattie explained. “A cougar is actually an attractive older woman who younger men lust after.”
David Heimlich, Hattie's neighbor at Worldwide Plaza and friend in her later years, told W42ST that Hattie's personality was just as feisty in real life. “We had fun and flirted sometimes, but I was 55 at the time,” David said, to which Hattie retorted, “You're too old for me.” He laughed. “By her standards, I was twice the age of the people she wanted to date, and I knew it because every time I tried to leave my apartment, she walked in with a guy who was like 28!”
Instead, they shared their longtime friendship, watching Frank Sinatra concerts on DVD, enjoying dinner at Taboon or Fiorello (“I prefer the bars, but she's always preferred a nice table, so of course it won!” says David), bringing each other leftovers, and catching up over wine on the adjacent patio. “We sat at my table and talked about life,” David says. “Not current events, but about life. Not politics, but about life. We had really substantial conversations.”
Not only has Hattie resisted stereotypes surrounding dating older women, she's also worked to turn stereotypes around aging. When asked if she cares about other people's opinions about her age, Hattie proudly said, “I don't care. Call me old. I don't give in, I don't cave, I don't crumble when criticized,” choosing to carve her own path in dating, fashion and life after 55. “I don't follow trends,” she said of her bold clothing style. “I wear what my body and my being tells me to wear.”
She said plastic surgery goes against self-actualization and preached the virtues of accepting yourself without changing yourself. “I look at my body and I ask myself: 'Do these wrinkles really matter to me?' They don't. What matters to me are the muscles. These muscles. I don't want to denigrate my body,” Hattie said. “There has to be a way to respect what time takes away and what time gives. I live with that.” She added that she hopes younger people will see the negative image of aging as “something from previous generations.”
“She was not in favor of looking back and ruminating at all,” David added, saying Hattie helped him through the break-up of their engagement. “She's a therapist professionally, officially, or as a celebrity. I'm not sure exactly. [which]”But she did have a gift for therapy, and she would talk to me like a patient, sometimes appropriately.” Later, when David returned to the dating scene, Hattie was happy to impart her wisdom to his guests. On one date, “I don't know how the conversation got to the point that Hattie was my neighbor,” David said.[My date] I asked, Googling her right in front of me.this “They asked me, 'Is she your neighbor?!' And I said, 'Yeah, definitely my neighbor! Just knock on her door and she'll let you in.' She knocked on the door and went out for about an hour,” he said, laughing. “She came back and said, 'I've been doing everything wrong in my life!'”
Hattie is unapologetic about the aging process, but she's not afraid to acknowledge the inevitable challenges of navigating later years. “Interestingly, I never fully understood my obsession with younger men,” she says. “Dr. Phil asked me, 'Why are you doing that?' and I said, 'I want to go back and start my dating life again before I was married.'” As the years went by, she found being single “agonizing.” “The more famous you are, and the more you give of yourself — and I love it! — the more you want to hold on to something,” she added. “And I want to share that with a man — we share each other's humanity.”
Speaking to an Australian news magazine, Hattie said the isolation caused by COVID-19 has been tough, and maintaining her will to live hasn't always been easy. “I have to admit I'm not above the distress and depression,” she said. “I face it every day…” [but] “I can't be numb. I can go swimming, I can go to MoMa, I can go to dinner with friends, I can do all sorts of things. If I didn't have this extraordinary capacity for love, if I didn't feel it so strongly, I wouldn't feel the absence of it so keenly,” she added.
Hattie's fierce independence and uncontrollable self-consciousness were present until the end, David added. A few days before she died, David visited her in her hospice bed. “I sat on the edge of the bed and prayed for her,” he said. “She had woken up, and I think the medication was wearing off.” […] She got very angry because I couldn't understand what she was saying. […] “I said jokingly, 'Just because we're dying doesn't mean you can treat us badly. Be nicer or we'll start making lame jokes,'” he added. “And she looked at me with a wink and a smile and said, 'Fuck you.' And those were her last words to me. 'Fuck you,' with a wink and a smile! She was so funny right up until the very end,” David said. “God, I miss her.”
