Maureen Labadzinski's study doubles as a guest room for her grandchild, but not for long: Labadzinski vows to “reclaim” her home, organize it, and give each room its own purpose. (Photo: Rich Labadzinski)
Every now and then we receive a call for help from a reader that has all the hallmarks of a class action lawsuit — one person acting on behalf of many (presumably you). That was the case with the email from Maureen Labaczynski, a nurse in Florida.
“Dear Marni,” she wrote. “Help! I want my home back! I want a home that reflects me and my husband and that can host family and friends from time to time. Not a home with a revolving door.”
“Eight years ago, when our two sons left home, my husband and I moved to a one-story, four-bedroom, two-bathroom home on a beautiful pond. Soon after, our youngest son came home from college and lived in a guest room for over a year while he figured out his next step in life. When he moved to Denver for work and his girlfriend, we reclaimed the space. Soon after, my brother moved in with his wife and three kids, and the new home they purchased was waiting for them to welcome their kids.”
The guest room became a playroom for the kids, with toys and two twin beds. The baby's crib was in Maureen's study at home. Then the youngest son boomeranged back. Finally, everyone moved into their own homes, but their belongings — beds, cribs, toys — remained.
“Right now, I want our home to be just us again and to eliminate the overwhelming feeling of clutter,” Maureen writes. “Specifically, we have an elliptical machine in the corner of our (master) bedroom. Not only do I feel guilty about not using it, but it's also ruining the relaxing vibe I want for the room. Our so-called guest room is being taken over by our son. Should we turn it into a workout room to get rid of his elliptical? But where will our guests sleep? The kids' room looks like Toys R Us at Christmas. The fourth bedroom is my office. I'm a nurse practitioner and do telehealth consultations from home. What will my patients think when they see a crib behind a carefully angled monitor?
“While we are grateful to have had a space that has accommodated our family's housing needs for many years, my husband and I want to recapture our private oasis. We want to welcome family, friends, and grandchildren, but only for short stays. So how do we reinvent our home?”
I have two pieces of advice: boundaries and purpose. Start with boundaries. You need boundaries. How wonderful it is to have built a family and a home that provides a storm port for your grown kids. But it's time to lock the revolving door, enforce the three-day rule for visits, and get familiar with the Airbnb in your area.
As for their purpose, you should only have one in each room, no more than that.
Over the next few days, Maureen and I talked and exchanged emails. Below are my suggestions and her feedback.
Master bedroom: Throw away that elliptical machine. Sell it and use the money to pay for a gym membership.
Maureen's response: “I loved the advice about the elliptical. It felt like a counselor was telling me something I already knew but needed to hear. I'm going to put it on Facebook Marketplace today and use the money to pay for my gym membership. The guilt is gone now.”
office: This should be reserved just for your work, and every part of it should make you look and feel professional.
Maureen's response: “I agree. When I started working from home during COVID-19, I never expected I'd end up starting a telehealth business from home. Once I outgrow my crib, I'd love to transform my makeshift space into a beautiful office that reflects who I am.”
Grandchild's room: The twin beds will remain, the cribs will remain, and once we've thoroughly purge the toys, we'll also have a neat and tidy toy storage system that slides under the bed.
Maureen's response: “I've always wanted a room for my grandchild, but I don't want it to take over the whole house. I'm going to get rid of half the toys.”
Rooms: Rooms should be reserved for short visits by adult children or guests, not as a stopover.
Maureen's response: “I understand. We'll get our guest room back and make it a welcoming space again, and we'll take to heart the advice about not letting the rooms interfere with each other. We can't wait to close the revolving door and open one that reflects the lifestyle we want at this stage in our lives.”
Good luck, Maureen. You deserve it.
Watch in the coming weeks as Maureen puts the advice into practice and discovers what a difference having a tidy home can make for the rest of her life.
Marni Jameson is the author of seven books, including “Downsizing the Family Home.” She can be reached at marni@marnijameson.com.
